This 28th will mark the first year since the blessing of our house after it was renovated. My mom said she’ll be inviting some of her friends and relatives over for a gathering and a holy mass that’ll be held in our prayer room. I don’t usually comment on such things but I’m fully aware of our family’s financial status right now. These days, she’s been ranting non-stop on how bad out monetary issues are. It is now on the point where my allowance have to be cut off to half just to make our ends meet. So I don’t really understand why she keeps insisting on pushing the said event. On her defense, she said that she had already allotted some money for it. I find that act unfair and capricious though (I kept the former to myself for I love my life, thank you very much), because all of us have to sacrifice for something she can do next time when we are already capable. I’m not really against the idea, just so you know. I just don’t think that it is the right time. But as usual, our waves didn’t met again. And she had to resort with a it’s-about-attending-a-mass-that’s-why-you-are-like-that and it-pains-me-genuinely-because-you-seem-to-have-more-time-watvhing-your-korean-dramas-than-praying attacks.
I don’t know why I felt like I’m the adult on that conversation but it somehow ended with that comment, anyway. I hate that I was too conflicted to answer back. It was so unfair that she have to attack me that way just to make me shut up. Yes, I’m guilty of being too fanatic (her choice of words, not mine) but it’s not really the reason I refuse to attend a holy mass voluntarily. Let’s just say that for her, not going to church because you are fixated on some tv drama will be more acceptable than not going because you think it’s just a waste of time. Believe me, when she find out that it’s the latter, shouting, cussing, and nagging will sure ensue and I’m sure the unpleasant will not only last for a week.
My dentist was reluctant on recommending the Fifty Shades of Grey to me because of its sexual contents. I scoffed inwardly when she told me this.
If only she’s aware that I have already read so much smut and erotic stuffs that if its number is going to be converted to money, it’s already enough for me to act as a queen, build my own kingdom and hire all kpop stars as my jesters up until my next lifetime.
Malungkot. Di ako makatulog.
Ewan kung bakit ako nalulungkot. Bigla na lang.
Napapadalas ganito pero walang dahilan para ipakita sa iba kasi wala rin naman talagang kongkretong dahilan kung bakit ako nagkakaganito. Ilang beses kong inuulit sa sarili kong dapat masaya ako. Kasi maayos naman kung tutuusin ang buhay ko. Obviously, sarili ko lang ang papahirapan ko kung hahayaan kong magpatalo sa kung ano ang tumatakbo sa isip ko.
Baliw na ata ako. Bangag o kung ano. Masyado na atang marami usok ng sasakyan ang nasisinghot ko lately kaya tagilid ang utak ko. Ewan.
Ayaw ko matulog.